Another Random Woman With a Random Thought

Category Archives: Personal

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I knew a girl whose mother had severe mood swings. When the mother was sad, she would experience a total nervous breakdown. When she was angry, she would become abusive. When she was happy, she was hyperactive and cheerful to the point that she was ecstatic and hard to cope with.

In between these mood swings, the mother would have bouts of low energy. She would become very tired and sleep day and night. At the same time, she was always seeking energy. She would take a numerous energy pills, purchase newly advertised low-energy solutions, and constantly drink coffee. And, she would overdose on everything she took. For instance, if she had a headache, instead of taking two 200mg ibuprofen tablets, she would take five. She did this kind of thing with Metabolite as well.

The girl had an immensely difficult time having a normal relationship with her mother considering that she was often abused physically, emotionally, and mentally. If the mother was happy and the girl was not able to match the mother’s level of intensity in happiness, then the mother became angry or depressed and the girl would experience the backlash that came from these emotions.

Growing up in a household where the mother was unbearable and the father was usually either gone or intoxicated, the girl felt that she had no one to rely on. Her family denied that her mother had any problems and chastised her when she made reference to any hardships with her mother. The family, including her mother, felt that the mother functioned normally. Therefore, the mother would always refuse to go to counseling and would not take any medication.

To an outsider, it is not surprising to know that the mother and daughter did not mend their relationship when she became an adult and left home. They could speak with one another for short periods of time, but there was a lot of tension between the two of them. It seemed that the mother was totally unaware of this tension.

Although the mother never admitted that she needed some kind of help, she later apologized to her daughter for everything she had put her through. Literally, she said, “I’m sorry that I was not a good mother.” The girl knew that she would never feel very close to her mother. Really, she was so uneasy around her that even hugging her mother caused her apprehension.  Even though she apologized, they could not have a normal relationship because the mother tried to pretend like the first twenty-one years of the girls life never happened and considering that the girl was only twenty-three, she didn’t have any basis for a solid relationship with her mother.

Not only that, the mother would tell people who knew the girl, including her family, how badly the girl treated her. She would say things like, “Hannah was nice to me today“, implying that the girl was never kind to her. She would complain to others if her daughter visited another family member before visiting her first. She would become upset if the girl went out to eat with someone and did not dine with her. She even became angry when she visited her daughter’s house for Thanksgiving and noticed that one of the picture frames did not include a picture of her even though there were other pictures of her in the house.

The girl could not understand why her mother was so hard to please and why she expected so much when the mother had put so little good into their relationship.

In addition to all of this, the girl was never out-of-control or unruly. She went to church three times a week, made good grades, was involved in the high school band and key club, cleaned the house, etc. However, there was one instance when the daughter fought back with the mother. She was holding her down on her bad and twisting her arms behind her back when the girl snapped and began choking her mother. After the woman was gagging for a bit, the girl came back into reality and quit.

When the girl thinks about the past, she wishes that she would have fought back more often and told more people about her circumstances. After graduating from high school, the girl screamed and cussed at her mother as a means of trying to get through to her, but she realized that what she had done was wrong. To the girl, it felt right to defend her herself in a fight, but wrong to cuss at her mother, especially when they were only in a verbal dispute.

The girl was told by someone very close to her to not think of her mother as a mother or she would be disappointed. Instead, she should think of her as a friend because she really could be a friend at times.

This gave the girl a great amount of comfort. She even began to feel strong because she would tell herself that she did not need a motherly relationship; she was stronger that most of society.

Now, the girl is married and expecting a child of her own. She wants to be a good mother, but she almost feels like she doesn’t know how.

Sometimes the only solution is to simply put your troubles in God’s hands. You have to say, “I know what happened, she knows what happened, and God knows what happened. That’s all that matters.” Then, you pray, do your best, and see where life takes you. Unfortunately, just giving your troubles to God is difficult. As a human, I want to be able to have full control over my life when I simply cannot…

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I refer to myself as “heatherinbadweather” for a reason.

Like a number of high school graduates, I decided to go to college. I thought it was the best decision I could ever make in regards to my future. However, I learned that college is not for everyone.

At 18yrs. old, I thought that all people should strive to obtain at least a master’s degree in a subject of interest. After all, college always pays off, even if you’re not sure what you want to do with your life, right? Wrong. I’ll admit, when I was very young and more ignorant, my dream was to become a psychiatrist. This was not because I had a real interest in the medical field or that I was obsessed with the human mind…I guess it just seemed like an impressive goal.

Well, I first attended a community college (to be a psychiatrist? Yeah, the dream was probably shot from the beginning) immediately after high school, but due to chaotic circumstances, a counselor suggested that I withdraw. I did. Then, I made one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made in my life by attending Anderson University in Anderson, South Carolina. At first, I was going to major in psychology; however, I changed my mind and decided to major in art education. What a change! Anyway, an academic adviser placed me in an art 102 class rather than 101 even though I informed the person that I had no experience. They insisted that the classes were not that different and that I would do fine. Well, when I turned in my first project, I lost points on my grade because the picture was not “cut out” right. I pointed out that they never taught that in the class and I was not even aware that there was a correct way to do that. The instructor told me that I should have learned that in 101; I pointed out that he told me that I did not need 101 first. He didn’t have anything to say to that. Also, they docked points from my grade because my picture was drawn too lightly even though he told me that it was done correctly while we were working in class.

In addition, I had an education course in which students were to observe another teacher at an elementary school. At that time, I had a problem with my email account, so I did not get emails from the instructors. While in class, the teacher asked us who still did not have their information about who they were to observe and where. Myself and a number of others raised our hands. I later informed him that my email was not working properly and needed him to simply give me my information. I told him this a number of times. I’m pretty sure I even left a note on his door regarding the fact that he still had not told me who or where to observe. Finally, I reached him in his office. He called the teacher whom I was supposed to observe right in front of me and told her that he had a student who was being slack and still needed to come observe. I was furious. I pointed out that I had told him a number of times, at least 5, that I needed the information. He told me that I needed to stay on him about it. How much more “on him” could I have been? I was a full-time college student with a job. I didn’t have time to sit at his office day all day every day and beg him to do his job.

By the way, I had a work-study job with Anderson University my second semester there and I got paid once a month. For some reason, the school kept asking me to fill out change of address forms which I did at least 6 times. I’m still not sure why they still didn’t have my address, but I finally just tried not caring. I told the people who worked in the office not to send my paycheck to me. Instead, I would just pick it up. So what did they do? They sent it out. It was hard enough that I was poor and only got paid once a month, but to have them send it away so that it takes even longer? What?

I talked to a school counselor about my continuing problems with the school and she told me that “some people just get into the system wrong”. What does that even mean?

After continual problems with the school, I attempted to file a grievance saying that I paid for a service that wasn’t rendered; however, I didn’t get anything out of it.

Later on, I attended a technical school in Indiana where I decided that I would eventually transfer to a 4 year college and major in social work. For the most part, things went fairly well there, with the exception of the beginnings of semesters and a particular instructor. Because I was an independent student with a full-time job, I didn’t get the financial aid that you would expect. Let me explain this further: Because I was not 24 years old, I was considered to be automatically dependent upon my parents even though I lived in a different state  and did not receive any help from them. Thus, when the school saw my income which was a little over poverty level, they judged that I actually made a large amount of money for a full-time college student. Also, I did not have any children to claim, so this weakened my chance for financial help as well….and just when I thought I had made responsible decisions, right? In fact, for me to simply get a loan in my name, I had to have my mother fax a statement to the school saying that I did not receive help from her presently, would not receive help in the future, and had not been supported for five years. My mother ended up sending at least 3 faxes in an attempt to allow me to get loans in my name…without receiving much financial aid. Let me put it to you this way: I owe about $20,000 for college and I will only end up with an associate’s degree in general studies. What in the world will a ‘general studies’ degree do for me anyway? What? I can insist to my interviewers that I know a solid amount of general information?? Wow, what a treasure I am.

Finally, it came to the time when I was supposed to transfer. It was suggested to me that I apply to University of Indianapolis. Of course, I was uneasy about attending another private school since they were so much more expensive than state schools, but my “knowledgeable” friends insisted that I would get enough financial aid to make it worth it. After all, I had excellent grades and was dirt poor. Well, as it turned out, the school was going to cost me a ludicrous amount of money and I simply couldn’t afford. If I were going to be a doctor or lawyer, I could understand being able to pay off extreme debt and have your education be worth it; however, social workers just don’t make that much. So, I applied to IUPUI. Everything seemed like it was working out just fine until I spoke to a counselor who told me that despite the fact that I had been in school for 3 years already, I’d have to go to IUPUI for another 3 years to finish. If that wasn’t bad enough, she also told me that I would have to complete 2 internships while actually attending classes. Thus, there wouldn’t have been enough hours in the day for me to work, handle school, and sleep.

So, I applied to Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC. Because I was married to a South Carolina resident, I should have been able to get in-state tuition even though we had just moved there after getting married. What my husband and I didn’t consider is that financial aid is based on the previous year and we were not married the previous year. Well, we figured we would just pay out-of-state tuition for one semester…..I found out that it was going to cost me $12,000 for one semester. Keep in mind, $12,000 would be expensive for one year, but one semester? Like I said, I just wanted to be a social worker, so it just wasn’t worth being in debt to such an extent. Not only that, my academic adviser at Winthrop guaranteed me a number of times that day that I could finish my degree in one more year; however, I was later told by another person that finishing in one year would be nearly impossible. When I spoke to me academic adviser about it again on another day, she told me that it would definitely take me a year and a half. I reminded her that she just said last week that it would only take me year. She just kind of shrugged.

After this, I went to a school counselor and complained. I told her that if my adviser was supposed to be an example of what a social worker was, then it wasn’t for me. I told her about all the problems I had with Winthrop and in the past. I also informed her that I would not attend Winthrop this semester or ever.

Now, I’m just waiting for the summer semester to begin at Ivy Tech Community College so that I can finish up my unwanted associate’s degree in general studies. Thank God I only have one credit hour to do. They told me that they would just mail me my diploma. To be honest, I just want it to be over. One good thing that has come from all of this is that I now understand why some people say that college is a waste of time. See, I don’t actually think college in general is a waste of time, I just think that bachelor’s degrees are a waste of time and money. That is, unless you are attending in hopes of becoming something that causes you to make an excess of money like a doctor, lawyer, some kind of executive banker, etc. Other than those exceptions, I think it is a better investment to go to some kind of trade school or 2 year community college. I know college advisers and high school teachers will insist to you that college graduates always make more money and that the more years you go to college, the more money you will make. However, they fail to mention all the debt that you will be paying off for the next 20 years or so and the trouble that college advisers and employees will put you through. For goodness sake, consider your sanity!

High School Graduates: Don’t let others push you into attending a 4 year college. If you have a dream that you are dead set on pursuing and you must attain a bachelor’s degree, be aware of the costs. When I say cost, I not only mean the monetary costs, but also the time as well. The time you spend at school is time that could be better spent earning and saving money. People insist that you go to college because “you’re supposed to”, but think carefully about whether that is for you or not. Talk to others who attending 4 year schools and ask them what they think. Also, be aware that your student loans are not free money as some would have you think. You’ll have to pay those back at some time or another….probably at a time when you’re wanting to buy your first home, get married, and start a family. Just think it over.


My name is Heather. I spend most of my time cleaning (I’m almost certain a psychologist would say I have obsessive compulsive disorder, but I’ve decided to pretend that I’m normal.), cooking, and attempting to write/illustrate/publish a children’s book. I would love to tell you all that I am a former missionary to orphans in Ethiopia, that I’ve donated $50,000 to some worthy cause, that I am an accomplished writer, or that I’m particularly talented in some other area of my life; however,  I’d  be lying.

I hoped to obtain a bachelor’s degree in social work as my first step in the direction towards helping others; however, after multiple extreme circumstances, I decided to settle for an associate degree. By the way, there is nothing wrong with a two-year degree. In fact, I think a two-year degree or even a certificate is a better investment than a four-year degree, unless you have hopes of going to medical school, law school, etc. My problem is that I wish I would have known that I was wasting my time before I became so in debt with college.

My overall goal in life is serving God by helping as many people as I can in any way that I can. Of course, that isn’t going the way I hoped. Funny enough, helping others is not always as easy as it sounds. Still, I do what I can. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to sell my book and donate half of my earnings to a charity and pay my student loans with the other half. Until then, I’m here in my little apartment with my husband and we’re living a happy life.